So Lee calls me up and asks me if I want to go lounge-hopping with him to some of our fave old and new Manhattan cocktail spots. "We'll take some pictures, test the drinks and write it up for the 'zine -- on me," he says.

"Well," I replied, "let me think about that for approximately one millisecond and get right back to you." Hell yes I want to go drink and tour town in taxicabs all night and go to expensive hotel bars and to my favorite bar in town, the Subway Inn on the Lee-meister! Duh!

And being the connoisseur of fine foods, wines, tobaccos, liquors and Budweiser that I am, I thought I might be able to make some small contribution. On the night in question, Lee brought a list of places he wanted to try -- places that have a truly retro lounge feel -- whether due to the clever ingenuity of new design or simply to the fact that they're not retro because they've been there all along.

We ran the gamut from new to old to new again, sometimes having to leave without imbibing due to overt, upscale stuffiness or obvious impending price gouging (Temple Bar, Royalton and Paramount Hotels). The places we did hit, however, were each superb and sublime in their own uniquely lovable personalities. In essence, we had a total blast.

Yes, living in New York is noisy and annoying and dangerous and toxic and stressful. But places like these make it downright lovable despite all the rest of the crap. If you live in town or are just passing through, we highly recommend a stop in any or all of these fine establishments. You might even catch one of us at the end of the bar giggling into our martinis. Here's the list and how we swigged it, in order of appearance.

Marion's
(354 Bowery, 212-475-7621)
Marion's on the Bowery is a truly charmed and enchanted little bar/restaurant. The cozy, real '40s dining room is not only home to sumptuous, unforgettably good food that makes you dream about it and go back whenever you can afford it, it's also beautifully decorated and lit. The deco-meets-forties feel is so inviting you really just want to move into the place and never leave. It's location and proximity to CBGB's keeps the place from ever entering the pretentious zone.

The night we went we were only drinking, however, and that was not disappointing. We ordered their two house-specialty cocktails, the Metropolitan and the Suburban. The former is made with Absolut Kurant, Rose's Lime, and a splash of cranberry juice, chilled and served straight up with a lime. People, it was perfect -- not too sweet, nice and tart, extremely refreshing -- a party on the tastebuds. I knew the moment it hit said buds it was the best cocktail I would taste that or possibly any other evening of this or any other summer. Not to get ahead of myself, but it was.

Lee had the Suburban -- Stoli Oranj, Rose's Lime, fresh lime, o.j. and fresh blood orange, chilled straight up. It too made you want to gulp it down like a dog eating a raw chop, but since orange flavored things have never been my particular fave, and since I absolutely loathe the suburbs, I'd have to vote hands down for the Metro. Both are extremely worthy of your time.

Sunday is 2 for 1 Suburban night, and Monday is 2 for 1 Metro night at Marion's. Word is both nights are packed, so go early, stake out a spot and prepare to be seduced.

Beauty Bar
(231 East 14 Street, 212-539-1389)
Beauty Bar is directly across the street from my apartment, so it's like a home away from home for me. I knew it when it was an actual working beauty salon where I'd often catch a glimpse of one of those funky light blue or lavender cotton candy hairdos getting done up under the harsh fluorescent lights. I was initially dismayed to see that someone had bought it and was very likely going to destroy this charming old spot. But to my delight the brilliant, meticulous, design genius of Deb Parker made it even more beautiful and inviting than it was before.

The old hair dryers still line the walls and people sit right under them. They've even kept the resident manicurist, Florence, who chain smokes and does nails on certain nights for a modest fee. The Beauty Bar is draped in wall-to-wall beauty and barber shop memorabilia. It's a feast for the eyes and the displays are always changing for whatever holiday it might be. It's my continual pleasure to look out the window and see what cool thing Deb's got in the window for Valentine's Day or Christmas. Besides being a great bar, it's a living, breathing work of art.

There are a few glitches here that I'll touch on briefly. The ceiling is low and the smoke factor is often very high. There was a listing in a Michelin guide, I believe, which pack jams it with European tourists on weekends. Stick to off hours and off nights. Finally, the beer selection is a bit skimpy (no Budweiser!) and if you get one of their younger, more inexperienced bartenders you may not get a very great drink. We say this because we love the Beauty Bar, and want it to be even more wonderful than it already is. Basically, better ventilation and more attention to what and who is pouring would make this a near-perfect bar.

Candy Bar and Grill Pink Velvet: Absolut Kurant, Cassis, Lemon Juice and Angostura Bitters Thai Martini: Absolut Citron, Candy Bar Ginger Vodka, Lemon Juice Bermuda Triangle: Finlandia Pineapple, Absolut Citron, Stoli Ohranj Sake Martini: Chilled Dry Sake, Stoli w/ a slice of cucumber French Martini: Stoli Ohranj, Lillet, orange slice

Candy Bar and Grill
(131 Eighth Avenue, 212-229-9702)
Lee found this place around the corner from Lo-Fi HQ and fell in love with the cool multi-colored wall lamps, and padded yellow vinyl walls. It's got an extremely inviting lounge feel which was compounded a thousand times by the warmth and graciousness of the owner. She was happy to let us try the many amazing specialty martinis on the cocktail list, as well as make us up a smashing plate of hors d'oeuvres to taste and to keep us from getting smashed. As we lounged and took in the scenery the bartender made us up the following array of succulent sippers: Lee and I unanimously decided the Sake Martini was the way to go. It was dry, unusual, immediately addicting and absolutely dee-licious. Great food, great atmosphere, and they even have a "Lounge Night" on Thursdays with DJ Pez spinning tunes to slurp by. The colorful simplicity of the decor, good food and drink, and most of all the nicest staff around await you at Candy Bar. In the immortal words of Arnold, "We'll be back."

Well, last but not least were my favorite stops of the night in terms of true atmosphere:

The Subway Inn
(143 E. 60 St., 212-223-8929)
The Subway Inn is probably one of the oldest authentic dives in midtown. Just a skip up the street from Bloomingdale's it has one of, if not the most beautiful old neon signs in all of Manhattan. Inside it's extremely atmospheric -- nothing's been touched for 40 years, including the paint and a mop. But who cares. They serve a mean longneck Bud and there's an old ashtray aroma that will make you feel like time traveling to a place you never wanted to go. But this is a good thing. If you've never been to the Subway, make it a point to go sometime. The crowd is blue collar/geezer, the lighting is bad, the atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Long live the Subway Inn bar. The day of its demise will indeed be a sad day for NYC.

Howard Johnson's Bar in Times Square
(1551 Broadway, 212-354-1445)
Yes, the weird, old Times Square HoJo has a bar in the back and it's got the cheapest prices in town: any drink in the house during happy hour is $2.95. And they serve longneck Bud, I think, and a pretty good martini. Just don't eat the olive, or anything else for that matter. This place is overly lighted and seeing that it hasn't been renovated or really properly cleaned since time began, they could use with a little less brightness. The best part of hanging in HoJo's however, is the people watching. It's a parade of old blue-hairs and dye-jobs smoking eternal cigarettes and having that eternal cigarette look. You know it -- sunken cheeks, big eyes, way too much makeup, big ol' smear of lipstick. Hell, "Blue Velvet" was just a movie -- this shit is real. There's also the endless cadre of clueless tourists and geeky office people drinking after seeing geeky Broadway shows. But the waiters are cool; looking like they've been working there since the place opened; looking like forgotten bluesmen; or like Arthur Alexander, who drove a bus for twenty years before he was finally rediscovered as the genius songwriter he was. You just gotta wonder who these people really are. Anyway, the Times Square HoJo is a melancholy, mysterious, lovable, homely old place you should really go to once or twice before it dies.

That's all for now. We'll see ya at the bar & make mine a double!